Your Career Isn’t Secondary: Working Mom Truths

Motherhood changes everything—but it doesn’t erase the parts of you that existed before.

The ambitious, creative, driven person who once had career goals and professional dreams? She’s still here.

And yet, working moms are often made to feel like their careers should take a backseat, that they’re “lucky” to have flexible jobs. That prioritizing work is somehow a betrayal of motherhood.

Let’s set the record straight: Your career isn’t secondary. Your ambition isn’t selfish. And the work you do—both at home and beyond—is deeply valuable.

Why Society Still Struggles With Working Moms

Even in two-income households, research shows that women bear the majority of the mental load—the invisible labor of managing meals, schedules, appointments, and emotional needs. This mental load is often underestimated and unacknowledged, leading to exhaustion and resentment. It’s not just about doing tasks, but about the constant planning, anticipating, and worrying that goes into maintaining a household and raising children.

Meanwhile, workplace culture hasn’t caught up with the reality that most mothers work. Many companies still operate on outdated models that assume a primary caregiver at home, making it difficult for working mothers to thrive without feeling immense pressure. This often manifests in a lack of adequate parental leave, inflexible work hours, and a general expectation that employees should always be "on."

We applaud dads for being “hands-on,” but expect moms to do it all without missing a beat. We celebrate women’s ambition but judge them when their careers demand real time and energy. This societal double standard creates an impossible tightrope walk for working mothers, where success in one area often feels like a failure in another.

This double standard leaves many working moms feeling like they’re failing everywhere—never present enough at home, never productive enough at work. The constant internal battle between professional aspirations and maternal guilt can be debilitating, leading to burnout and a pervasive sense of inadequacy.

But the truth is simple: you’re not failing. The system wasn’t designed to support you. It’s a systemic issue, not a personal failing, and recognizing this is the first step towards self-compassion and advocating for change.

You Don't Need to Apologize for your Career

We internalize the idea that our professional pursuits are secondary, a hobby rather than a legitimate aspect of our identity. This constant need to justify our choices erodes confidence and creates unnecessary stress.

But your career isn’t something you have to justify. It’s not a side project—it’s part of your identity. It's a source of intellectual stimulation, personal growth, and financial independence. It allows you to contribute to the world in a meaningful way beyond your family, and that contribution is inherently valuable.

What Kids Actually Need

Many working moms worry that their kids will feel neglected or resentful. The fear of missing out on crucial moments, or of their children feeling less loved due to their absence, can be a heavy burden. However, research tells a different story, one that challenges these common anxieties.

Children don’t need constant presence—they need emotional connection. Quality over quantity is a recurring theme in child development research. What truly matters is the depth and quality of interactions, the moments of genuine engagement, and the emotional responsiveness of a parent. A few focused, loving moments can be far more impactful than hours of distracted presence.

A mother who feels balanced and fulfilled in her career often has more energy, patience, and presence when she’s home. When you are not constantly battling guilt or feeling unfulfilled, you have more emotional reserves to give to your children. This means more engaged play, more patient listening, and a more joyful atmosphere in the home.

Your career isn’t taking something from your kids. It’s giving them something invaluable:

• A model of independence and possibility

• A sense that women’s ambitions are valuable

• An understanding that mothers are whole people with dreams of their own

  
  

When you pursue what fulfills you, you show your children what it means to live authentically. You teach them the importance of self-respect, perseverance, and the joy of a life well-lived, lessons that will serve them far beyond their childhood.

Redefining Work-Life Balance

The term “work-life balance” often conjures an image of perfectly equal distribution of time and energy between professional and personal spheres. This ideal is not only unrealistic but often contributes to the very guilt and pressure working mothers experience. “Balance” doesn’t mean equal time or effort—it means flexibility and fluidity. It’s about adapting to the ever-changing demands of life without sacrificing your well-being or your core values.

Instead of chasing an impossible ideal, try redefining balance as alignment: aligning your actions with your values and priorities, and permitting yourself to adjust as needed. This means being intentional about where you invest your energy and understanding that proper balance is dynamic, not static.

• Let go of guilt. Your work is allowed to matter. Your professional aspirations are valid and important. Releasing the guilt associated with pursuing your career frees up mental and emotional space, allowing you to be more present and effective in all areas of your life.

• Ask for help. You don’t have to carry it all to prove your worth. Whether it’s from a partner, family, friends, or professional services, delegating tasks and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Building a strong support system is essential for sustainable well-being.

• Set boundaries. You deserve rest, focus, and space—both at work and at home. This means learning to say no, protecting your personal time, and creating clear distinctions between work and family life. Boundaries are crucial for preventing burnout and maintaining mental clarity.

• Make time for yourself. You exist outside your roles. You matter, simply because you do. Prioritizing self-care isn't selfish; it's essential for your physical and mental health. Whether it's a quiet moment with a book, a walk in nature, or pursuing a hobby, nurturing your own needs replenishes your energy and allows you to show up more fully for others.

You Don’t Have to Choose Between Motherhood and Yourself

If you’ve ever felt torn between your career and your kids, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong. This internal conflict is a common experience for working mothers, a testament to the deep love and commitment they have for both their families and their professional lives.

The tension between work and family isn’t a sign of failure. It’s a sign that you care deeply about both. It signifies that you are invested in multiple aspects of your life and strive to create a life that is rich and fulfilling on many levels. This tension, while sometimes challenging, can also be a powerful motivator for growth and self-discovery.

At The Motherhood Los Angeles, we help working mothers navigate the emotional weight of modern parenthood—from setting boundaries and managing burnout to navigating identity shifts and guilt. Our approach is rooted in understanding the unique challenges faced by mothers today, offering strategies and support to help them thrive. We provide a safe space to explore these complex feelings and develop practical tools for managing the demands of both career and family.

Schedule a free consultation today, and let’s talk about how therapy can support you in honoring both your career and your motherhood—without sacrificing yourself.