Fertility & IVF Emotional Support
Reviewed by Dr. Sanam Shamtobi, PhD, PMH-C
Fertility Therapy & IVF Emotional Support
You didn't think it would be like this.
Maybe you imagined a positive test, a moment of pure joy, calling your partner with the news. Instead, you've been counting days, tracking temperatures, timing everything — and month after month, it doesn't happen.
Or maybe you're deep into fertility treatments. You've given yourself injections in restaurant bathrooms. You've rearranged your entire life around monitoring appointments. You've held your breath waiting for phone calls that determine whether this month is "the one." And every time it doesn't work, a part of you breaks a little more.
If you're here, you already know: fertility struggles are one of the loneliest experiences a person can go through. Everyone around you seems to get pregnant by accident. Baby announcements feel like a punch to the chest. And the hardest part is that most people in your life don't know what to say — so they say nothing, or they say the exact wrong thing.
We see you. We see how hard you've been fighting. And we want you to know: you deserve support for the emotional side of this, not just the medical side.
The Emotional Side Nobody Prepares You For
Fertility clinics prepare you for the injections, the ultrasounds, the procedures. But nobody sits you down and tells you what this does to your heart. Nobody warns you about:
The grief that has no name
Grieving a baby who doesn't exist yet
Grieving the experience of getting pregnant that you imagined
Grieving the version of your life you thought you'd have by now
Feeling like your body has failed you
The anxiety that takes over
Obsessively Googling symptoms (or lack of symptoms)
Constant dread before every blood draw, every ultrasound, every phone call
Feeling like you can't make plans because "what if this cycle works?"
Fear that it will never happen
Anxiety about how much more you can take — financially, physically, emotionally
The sadness that comes in waves
Crying in your car after baby showers
Feeling empty on Mother's Day
The deep sadness after a failed cycle, a chemical pregnancy, or hearing "I'm sorry, it didn't take"
Moments of hopelessness that scare you
The anger you don't feel allowed to have
Resenting friends who got pregnant easily
Rage at your own body
Frustration at well-meaning people who say "just relax" or "have you tried…"
Anger at the unfairness of it all
The strain on your relationship
Sex becoming mechanical and joyless
Feeling disconnected from your partner
Disagreements about how far to go, how much to spend, when to stop
One partner being "ready to move on" while the other can't let go
The identity crisis
Feeling like infertility has become your whole identity
Not knowing who you are outside of trying to conceive
Withdrawing from friends, social events, and things you used to enjoy
Feeling broken or defective
If this list feels like someone read your diary — that's because these feelings are shared by nearly everyone going through fertility struggles. You're not falling apart. You're carrying something impossibly heavy.
You're Not Alone in This (Even When It Feels Like It)
Infertility affects 1 in 6 people worldwide. That number is likely even higher when you include people who don't seek medical help or who struggle with secondary infertility (difficulty getting pregnant after a previous pregnancy).
The emotional impact of fertility treatments has been compared to the stress of a cancer diagnosis. That's not an exaggeration — research backs it up. And yet, most fertility clinics don't offer psychological support as part of treatment.
Here's what we know:
People going through IVF have significantly higher rates of anxiety and depression than the general population
The grief of infertility is disenfranchised grief — society doesn't recognize it the way it does other losses, which makes it harder to process
Relationship satisfaction often decreases during fertility treatment, even in strong partnerships
The decision to stop treatment can be as painful as the treatment itself
Whether you're in your first months of trying, your third round of IVF, considering donor eggs or surrogacy, or quietly struggling with secondary infertility — your pain is valid and it deserves professional support.
Who This Page Is For
Fertility struggles come in many forms. You might recognize yourself in one or more of these:
Trying to conceive (TTC) — you've been trying for months or years without success, and the anxiety and disappointment are mounting
Going through IVF — the physical, emotional, and financial toll is overwhelming
IUI and other treatments — the hope-and-heartbreak cycle of each attempt
Secondary infertility — you have a child but can't get pregnant again, and people keep saying "at least you have one"
Pregnancy after loss — you got pregnant but you've lost before, and now every day is terrifying instead of joyful
Considering stopping treatment — you're wrestling with one of the hardest decisions of your life
Exploring other paths — donor eggs, donor sperm, surrogacy, adoption — each with its own emotional complexity
Supporting a partner — you're not the one going through the medical procedures, but your heart is breaking too
No matter where you are in this journey, you don't have to carry it alone.
How Therapy Helps During Fertility Struggles
You might be thinking, "How is talking about it going to help me get pregnant?" Therapy during fertility treatment isn't about fixing the medical problem. It's about making sure you don't lose yourself in the process.
Here's what therapy at The Mother Hood can do:
Give you a space where you don't have to perform
With friends and family, you might feel pressure to be positive, grateful, or strong. In therapy, you can fall apart. You can say the things you're afraid to say out loud. You can admit that you resent your pregnant friend without being told you're a bad person.
Help you manage the anxiety cycle
Fertility treatment creates a unique anxiety pattern: hope, waiting, dread, disappointment, repeat. We help you develop tools to tolerate uncertainty without being consumed by it.
Process grief — even grief that doesn't have a name
You're grieving losses that other people don't always recognize: the loss of a timeline, the loss of spontaneous conception, the loss of the pregnancy experience you imagined. We help you honor that grief.
Strengthen your relationship
Fertility struggles put enormous pressure on partnerships. We can help you and your partner communicate through this — especially when you're on different pages about next steps. (We also offer couples therapy if that feels like a better fit.)
Support your decision-making
When to start treatment. When to try another round. When to stop. When to explore other options. These decisions are agonizing. Having a therapist who understands can help you make choices that feel right for you — not choices driven by panic or pressure.
Prepare you for what comes next
Whether that's pregnancy after infertility (which comes with its own anxiety), stopping treatment, or pursuing other paths to parenthood — we'll walk alongside you.
What Treatment Looks Like at The Mother Hood
We designed our practice for women going through exactly this:
Therapists trained in perinatal mental health who understand fertility struggles specifically — not general therapists learning on the fly
Telehealth throughout California — because sometimes you need support between monitoring appointments, after a hard phone call, or on the days you can't leave the house
In-person sessions at our Brentwood office — a warm, non-clinical space that doesn't feel like another doctor's office
Flexible scheduling that works around your treatment calendar (we know how unpredictable fertility appointments can be)
No judgment about your choices — IVF, donor eggs, surrogacy, stopping treatment, or anything else. We support *your* path
Your first session is a conversation. We want to hear your story — not your medical chart. Where you are, what you're feeling, what you need. From there, we'll create a plan together.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should I start therapy during fertility treatment?
Anytime. There's no "bad enough" threshold you need to reach first. Some people start before beginning treatment to build a support foundation. Others come when they're mid-cycle and struggling. Some reach out after a failed transfer or pregnancy loss. Whenever you're ready, we're here.
Will my therapist understand what IVF is actually like?
Yes. Our therapists specialize in maternal mental health, which includes the full fertility-to-postpartum spectrum. We understand the monitoring appointments, the two-week wait, the trigger shots, the transfer day anxiety — all of it. You won't have to explain the basics.
I'm dealing with secondary infertility. Is this for me?
Absolutely. Secondary infertility — struggling to get pregnant after a previous pregnancy — comes with its own unique pain, including the added layer of people dismissing your grief because "at least you have one." Your feelings are valid, and this space is for you.
My partner and I are on different pages about treatment. Can you help?
Yes. This is one of the most common issues we see. Sometimes individual therapy helps each person process their own feelings. Other times, couples therapy is the better fit. We'll help you figure out what makes sense for your situation.
What if I'm not sure I want to keep trying?
That is one of the bravest and most painful questions in the fertility journey. Therapy can help you explore that decision without pressure from anyone — including your therapist. There's no right answer. There's only the answer that's right for you.
Is this covered by insurance?
We can provide superbills for out-of-network reimbursement. Many clients receive partial reimbursement from their insurance. We're happy to help you check your benefits — just reach out and we'll walk you through it.
You've Been So Strong. Let Someone Hold Some of This With You.
You've endured more than most people will ever understand — the shots, the waiting, the hoping, the heartbreak. You've kept going when everything in you wanted to stop. That takes an incredible amount of courage.
But you don't have to be strong alone.
At The Mother Hood, we're here to hold space for everything you're carrying. The grief, the anger, the hope, the fear — all of it. You don't have to edit yourself here.
We're here when you're ready →
No pressure. No timeline. Just support.
*The information on this page is for educational purposes only and does not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), call 911, or go to your nearest emergency room. The Mother Hood does not provide fertility medical treatment — we provide emotional and psychological support for individuals and couples navigating fertility challenges.*